How The Art Of Gathering Is Helping Me Rethink Being A Better Host

As I approach my six-month “work-aversary,” at Orangily, I’ve found myself thinking about how gatherings shift when alcohol isn’t part of the equation – for myself, and for others. Being alcohol free for nearly three years has, at times, made gatherings frustrating. Why do we assume alcohol needs to be present for people to connect? What might we gain when we design gatherings that don’t rely on it? 

I’ve been reading The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker. Ultimately, Parker recommends many ideas for their readers to be better hosts, both socially and in professional settings. What I’m loving is how being alcohol-free hasn’t felt like a limitation in understanding the story Parker tells. Instead, being alcohol-free has been a lens that sharpens the very principles Parker outlines. I want to share a few of Parker’s lessons about having a bold and specific purpose, playing host, and creating temporary worlds. 

Parker explains that powerful gatherings begin with a bold and specific purpose, going beyond habit or tradition. Alcohol often serves as a shortcut to relaxing or bonding, but what happens when we design spaces that foster those outcomes more intentionally?  If one of your first questions when planning your next gathering is: “Will there be an open bar?” or “Which drinks should we pick up from Costco to serve?” Then, perhaps it’s time to rethink. Removing alcohol from the decision-making equation (even if you ultimately do end up serving alcoholic options) invites us to ask deeper questions: Why do we gather? and What kind of connection are we truly seeking? By centering on our purpose, we create gatherings that are more inclusive, more thoughtful, and often more memorable

Hosting with intention means stepping into leadership—not with control, but with care. Parker instructs her readers not to be a “chill host”. A “chill” host may seem relaxed and carefree, but without direction, gatherings can drift. As I thought about it more, I realized: I don’t want to be a chill host, and I don’t want to go to gatherings with “chill” hosts! A “chill” host might not label their drinks to indicate whether there is alcohol in the punch. A “chill” host might not ensure that there is a cold alcohol-free option that isn’t a Pepsi! A “chill” host might pour wine for all the guests at the dinner table without consideration. I am no longer in being a “chill” host... and I don’t want to be a guest of a “chill” hos either! Instead, I want to curate a beautiful, celebratory non-alcoholic drink menu signals that this is a space where everyone is welcome. If I don’t have time to create such a menu, I want to be sure I have a few options and that everyone knows they are available. 

Gatherings, when designed to be temporary worlds, are spaces that invite people to show up differently than they do in everyday life. I think we’re quick to rely on alcohol to sets the tone. Tailgate? Beer. Tiki Party? Rum. Wedding? Champagne. Book club? Wine. But when alcohol is absent, we’re challenged to create atmosphere through other means: music, lighting, scent, ritual, and flow. I have friends who host a party each year in their garage. Are there drinks? Yes, absolutely (and of course, they have alcohol free options), but they take the time to decorate the entire garage in theme. The tables, the rug, the lights, the music, the bar, the food. All of it helps signal the temporary world we’re gathering in. The drinks are wonderful, but by the time you’ve arrived and taken in the surroundings, the drinks are almost an afterthought because the drinks support the theme, not defining it. At Orangily, we challenge ourselves to ask: can we design environments that invite presence, playfulness, and depth without relying on alcohol? What else can we add to our gathering to decenter the focus on alcohol?

Finally, Parker talks about pop-up rules as a means for advancing the temporary world and giving structure to the gathering. Pop-up rules can help shape behavior, the case of alcohol-free guests, foster inclusion. Along with fun social pop-up rules, like establishing a tech free zone, rotating seats between courses, or having guests wear nametags with their favorite actor, incorporate some pop-up rules that help manage norms around drinking. For those serving drinks, one might set the expectation that each guest is recommended a non-alcoholic option first. Maybe, serve signature mocktails and ask everyone to vote on their favorite, encouraging guests to choose alcohol free options throughout the duration of the party. Or, perhaps one sets the expectation for an alcohol-free night, prompting guests to assume everyone is sober. These temporary guidelines help guests feel safe, respected, and free to engage without pressure. Before the event, prime your guests. Let them know what to expect and why it matters. Share your mission and the intention behind the gathering. 

The Art of Gathering has helped me reimagine what it means to host with purpose, both at work and in my personal life. It’s not about having alcohol free events; it’s about disrupting the assumption that it’s essential for connection, celebration, or relaxation. At Orangily, we know our customers care about designing gatherings that empower people to show up fully, without pressure or exclusion. And ultimately? That’s Parker’s message in The Art of Gathering, too. When we host with intention, we create spaces where everyone belongs. So, I keep asking myself (and I invite others to ask too) what might we discover when alcohol isn’t the default? What new ways of connecting, celebrating, and being together might emerge?

Emily Braught

Instagram: @bigdealbevvies